Trump: ‘If You Impeach Me Now, I Shall Become More Powerful Than You Can Possibly Imagine’

https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-if-you-impeach-me-now-i-shall-become-more-powerful-than-you-can-possibly-imagine WASHINGTON, D.C.—Nancy Pelosi is reportedly starting impeachment proceedings against President Trump. It’s not clear why…

New Evidence Suggests Esau Actually Sold Birthright For Spicy Chicken Sandwich From Chick-Fil-A

https://babylonbee.com/news/new-evidence-suggests-esau-actually-sold-birthright-for-spicy-chicken-sandwich-from-chick-fil-a U.S.—Scholars working at top divinity schools across the country now believe that Esau traded his…

Trump Holds Up Map Suggesting Hurricane May Hit Coast Of Middle-Earth

https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-holds-up-map-suggesting-hurricane-may-hit-coast-of-middle-earth WASHINGTON, D.C.—Trump has drawn some criticism after holding up what appeared to be a map…

University Of Kansas Labels ‘My Pleasure’ As Hate Speech

https://babylonbee.com/news/university-of-kansas-labels-my-pleasure-as-hate-speech LAWRENCE, KS—The University of Kansas has labeled the phrase “my pleasure” as hate speech after…

Walmart Discontinues Auto Part Sales To Prevent Car Accidents

https://babylonbee.com/news/walmart-discontinues-sale-of-auto-parts-to-prevent-car-accidents BENTONVILLE, AR—In a bold move intended to curb the thousands of deaths from vehicles each and…

Snopes Rates Biden’s Claim That 2+2=5 As ‘Mostly True’

https://babylonbee.com/news/biden-claims-that-225-snopes-rates-mostly-true U.S.—Joe Biden recently made a strange claim: that 2+2=5. He was ridiculed for his gaffe…

Chick-Fil-A Installs Confessionals So You Can Repent From Eating At Popeyes

https://babylonbee.com/news/chick-fil-a-installs-confession-booths-so-you-can-admit-to-eating-at-popeyes U.S.—Chick-fil-A restaurants across the country have installed confessionals so people can repent from eating at…

Tlaib And Omar Try To Sneak Into Israel Stacked On Top Of Each Other Inside A Trenchcoat

TEL AVIV—Representatives Ilhan Omar and Rashida Tlaib were denied entry into Israel, but that wasn’t going…

Christian Movie Kinda Like Secular Movie But Without All The Cussing, Quality

https://babylonbee.com/news/christian-movie-kinda-like-secular-movie-but-without-the-cussing-quality U.S.—Reports from around the country indicated a popular Christian movie was really reminiscent of secular…

Scholars: Promised Land Was Actually Flowing With Mac And Cheese From Chick-Fil-A

DEAD SEA—Scholars working in Israel have made discoveries that lead them to believe that the Promised…

Shooter Walks Free As Police Tackle, Arrest AR-15

https://babylonbee.com/news/shooter-walks-free-as-police-tackle-arrest-ar-15 LOS ANGELES, CA—There was an attempted shooting earlier today but luckily, the police were close…

Mormons Launch Sacred Underwear Store ‘Brigham’s Secret’

https://babylonbee.com/news/mormons-launch-sacred-underwear-store-brighams-secret SALT LAKE CITY, UT—A specialty underwear shop targeting Mormons has opened in Salt Lake City’s…