https://babylonbee.com/news/satan-endorses-paula-whites-new-book HELL—After a long day of going to and fro upon the earth seeking whom he…
Tag: The Babylon Bee
Hillary Clinton Asked To Leave Costco After Repeatedly Accusing Sample Lady Of Being A Russian Asset
https://babylonbee.com/news/hillary-clinton-asked-to-leave-costco-after-repeatedly-accusing-sample-lady-of-being-a-russian-agent WASHINGTON, D.C.—According to sources at a DC-area Costco, failed presidential candidate Hillary Clinton was asked…
Pope Announces Any Time Spent Watching ‘The View’ Counts As Time Served In Purgatory
https://babylonbee.com/news/pope-announces-any-time-spent-watching-the-view-counts-as-time-served-in-purgatory VATICAN CITY—Pope Francis has made one of his official, Popey announcements. (For our Protestant audience,…
Nation’s Civil War Reenactors Have Been Preparing For This Moment Their Entire Lives
https://babylonbee.com/news/nations-civil-war-reenactors-been-waiting-for-this-moment-their-entire-lives U.S.—After Trump tweeted about a civil war, the nation’s Civil War reenactors excitedly began mobilizing,…
Chick-Fil-A Opens First Restaurant In Megachurch Foyer, Still Closed Sundays
https://babylonbee.com/news/chick-fil-a-opens-first-restaurant-in-megachurch-foyer-still-closed-sundays ALISO VIEJO, CA—Worshipers at Sailors Church were ecstatic to learn that they were selected as…
Trump: ‘If You Impeach Me Now, I Shall Become More Powerful Than You Can Possibly Imagine’
https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-if-you-impeach-me-now-i-shall-become-more-powerful-than-you-can-possibly-imagine WASHINGTON, D.C.—Nancy Pelosi is reportedly starting impeachment proceedings against President Trump. It’s not clear why…
New Evidence Suggests Esau Actually Sold Birthright For Spicy Chicken Sandwich From Chick-Fil-A
https://babylonbee.com/news/new-evidence-suggests-esau-actually-sold-birthright-for-spicy-chicken-sandwich-from-chick-fil-a U.S.—Scholars working at top divinity schools across the country now believe that Esau traded his…
Trump Holds Up Map Suggesting Hurricane May Hit Coast Of Middle-Earth
https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-holds-up-map-suggesting-hurricane-may-hit-coast-of-middle-earth WASHINGTON, D.C.—Trump has drawn some criticism after holding up what appeared to be a map…
University Of Kansas Labels ‘My Pleasure’ As Hate Speech
https://babylonbee.com/news/university-of-kansas-labels-my-pleasure-as-hate-speech LAWRENCE, KS—The University of Kansas has labeled the phrase “my pleasure” as hate speech after…
Walmart Discontinues Auto Part Sales To Prevent Car Accidents
https://babylonbee.com/news/walmart-discontinues-sale-of-auto-parts-to-prevent-car-accidents BENTONVILLE, AR—In a bold move intended to curb the thousands of deaths from vehicles each and…
Snopes Rates Biden’s Claim That 2+2=5 As ‘Mostly True’
https://babylonbee.com/news/biden-claims-that-225-snopes-rates-mostly-true U.S.—Joe Biden recently made a strange claim: that 2+2=5. He was ridiculed for his gaffe…
Chick-Fil-A Installs Confessionals So You Can Repent From Eating At Popeyes
https://babylonbee.com/news/chick-fil-a-installs-confession-booths-so-you-can-admit-to-eating-at-popeyes U.S.—Chick-fil-A restaurants across the country have installed confessionals so people can repent from eating at…