Secret government lab where coronavirus was created going to have serious talk with staff about this

LOCATION CLASSIFIED – The top secret government laboratory located in LOCATION REDACTED where the novel coronavirus was first concocted has…

Governments anxiously await modelling to predict when they can resume cutting health budgets

Governments from across Canada and around the world have been anxiously awaiting predictive modelling that will…

Government attempts to stop coronavirus by outlawing communal worship of deity who created virus

The government of Canada is officially ordering all Canadians to do their part to stop the…

Man accused of sexual assault to win 2020 presidency

Following today’s announcement from Bernie Sanders’ campaign that the Vermont senator will no longer be seeking…

Nation’s hamsters shockingly indifferent to global pandemic

In a surprising display that no one could have predicted, pet hamsters across Canada have shown…

Staples releases limited edition homosexual agendas

Sales have skyrocketed for Staples Business Depot after the release of a limited-edition homosexual agenda. “I…

Local man eyes 2010 Fun-Run t-shirt as potential toilet paper substitute

With only two rolls remaining and the grocery stores empty, local pipe fitter Trevor Bilton has…

Missing: Anti-Vaxxers

Amidst the spread of COVID-19, regularly vocal anti-vaxxers are largely missing from the global conversation surrounding the pandemic. “It’s…

Man on week-long social media break wonders why no one is at this awesome buffet

Jeremy Philips, a health and wellness expert in Toronto, has celebrated a week-long social media break…

Employees at home working hard at pretending to work

Millions of Canadians working from home due to the COVID-19 pandemic have started their days off pretending to…

Breaking: All the news happening all at once

EARTH – According to reports from every single human being’s television, social media and worried mothers,…

CDC urges Americans to stay safe by doing opposite of everything Trump says

ATLANTA, GA — Following a televised White House address, the Centers For Disease Control is urging…