Man who took 30 years to win one state considered “electable”

SOUTH CAROLINA – Joe Biden is now the presumptive nominee for the Democratic Party and the “man to…

Motorola Razr returns with all of your middle school selfies pre-downloaded

CHICAGO, IL — Motorola recently announced the re-release of the once-ubiquitous Motorola Razr which will still be a…

Trump crosses ‘start WWIII’ off his New Year’s Resolutions list

WASHINGTON D.C. – Right after ordering the assassination of Iran’s General Suleimani a satisfied Donald Trump sat back and…

Orlando rebrands as ‘Orwatero’ in anticipation of climate change

ORWATERO – In an effort to be the first city to recognize the new reality that…

North Korea threatens to blah blah, Christ, every week with these guys

PYONGYANG, NK – This week, the government of North Korea warned that if U.S. didn’t stop ticking them…

Trudeau insists he was talking about another brash, incompetent US President also named Donald Trump

BUCKINGHAM PALACE – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has clarified that he, and other world leaders were talking about…

Police arrest dealer responsible for selling speed to world population of squirrels

VANCOUVER – After a years-long joint investigation by multiple international agencies, authorities have finally arrested the…

Update: Canadians lucky US Presidential endorsement of Canadian political leader didn’t involve drone strikes

OTTAWA – Canadians familiar with US regime change in foreign countries are breathing a sigh of…

Trendy sex store introduces ketogenic edible underwear

Trendy sex store introduces ketogenic edible underwear DIDSBURY, AB – A local sex shop is updating…

Nation relieved to know US fixed and everything going back to normal now

Nation relieved to know US fixed and everything going back to normal now AMERICA — Across…

Exhausted Americans petition Greenland to purchase US instead

WASHINGTON – Millions of fed-up Americans have petitioned the autonomous Danish territory of Greenland to purchase…

America’s wealthy perverts unsure which of them actually staged Epstein suicide

https://www.thebeaverton.com/2019/08/americas-wealthy-perverts-unsure-which-of-them-actually-staged-epstein-suicide/ NEW YORK — Following the death of jailed multimillionaire financier and accused sex trafficker Jeffrey…